How to Support a Partner Going Through IVF or Third-Party Reproduction

If you're wondering how to be present, helpful, and emotionally attuned, you're already on the right track. Here's how to offer support that truly meets your partner where they are.

1. Understand That You’re on Different Journeys—Together

Even when you're building the same family, your experiences won’t look or feel identical.
Your partner might be:

• Taking hormones that affect mood and energy
• Navigating grief, hope, or trauma related to infertility
• Carrying the physical and emotional burden of treatment or loss

You might feel helpless, disconnected, or unsure what to say. That’s normal. The goal isn’t to feel the same things, but to make space for what each of you is feeling.

What helps:

• “I don’t know exactly what this feels like for you, but I’m here to listen.”
• “You don’t have to go through this alone.”

2. Validate Without Trying to Fix

When your partner is emotional, discouraged, or overwhelmed, you may want to jump in with solutions. But in this process, there’s often no easy fix. What helps most is empathy, not advice.

Try saying:

• “That makes so much sense.”
• “This is so hard, and I’m really proud of you.”
• “I wish I could take some of this off your plate.”

Avoid minimizing or over-reassuring, like:

• “Everything happens for a reason.”
• “At least we can try again.”
• “Don’t stress—it’ll work next time.”

3. Learn the Language

From “two-week wait” to “PGT testing” to “beta numbers,” fertility treatment comes with a whole new vocabulary. Taking the time to learn the basics helps you engage in meaningful conversations and shows your partner that you're in it together.

Start with:

• IVF: In vitro fertilization
• IUI: Intrauterine insemination
• TWW: Two-week wait (the period after transfer before a pregnancy test)
• IPs: Intended Parents
• PGT: Preimplantation genetic testing

You don’t have to be an expert, just curious and present.

4. Show Up in the Small (and Big) Ways

Infertility and family-building can feel lonely and relentless. Small acts of presence can make a big difference.

Ideas to support your partner:

• Go to appointments, if possible or ask how they went afterward
• Set calendar reminders for medication times or milestone dates
• Pick up dinner on hard days, or suggest a distraction when emotions run high
• Offer to take over household logistics when your partner is physically drained

5. Create Space for Joy—Not Just Stress

It's easy to let treatment take over every conversation. Make intentional time to nurture your relationship, even if it's just a walk, a movie night, or a shared playlist that helps you both reset.

Let your life include more than medical updates. You’re still partners, not just patients or caregivers.

6. Take Care of Yourself, Too

You may be grieving, frustrated, or emotionally impacted in your own way. Seeking your own outlet—whether that’s therapy, exercise, journaling, or peer support—helps you stay grounded so you can show up for your partner.

It’s not selfish to tend to your emotional well-being. It’s necessary.

7. Know When to Bring in Extra Support

Sometimes, loving someone means knowing when they need more than you can give. Fertility and third-party reproduction can bring up complex emotions—grief, anxiety, fear, guilt—and no one should have to carry those alone.

That’s where we come in.

Thallo Health Is Here to Support Both of You

Whether your partner is the one carrying the physical load or you're both navigating the emotional weight of infertility, donation, or surrogacy, we offer a safe, supportive space to process it all. Our licensed therapists understand the unique stressors and emotional toll of family-building, because it’s what we do.

We also offer a therapist-moderated Fertility Support Forum, where individuals and partners can connect with others who understand the journey.

Visit thallohealth.com to explore support options for both partners.

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